It’s been one whole year as a homeowner and I couldn’t be happier!
1 Year a Homeowner
Category: Uncategorized
Quitting Social Media
Why?
I made a Facebook account when I was 13, I think it was for some school project. Which is strange because the app wasn’t even around for that long at that point, less than 5 years. I made a Twitter when I was 15, and an Instagram at 16. Snapchat at 17. Now nearing 25, I no longer desire an online presence in that way.
Back then I cared a lot more about what people thought of me. I was young, naive, and wishing to fit in. These apps offered a way to socialize from afar, I wouldn’t need to talk with people or hang out with anyone. My ‘friends’ knew I was cool or funny because I would post a cool or funny post every once in a while. I’ve since changed a lot.
In the past three years I posted on average 2 photos a year, on Instagram which was my favorite of all of them, as I do really enjoy photography. All other applications have laid completely dormant for the duration and more. I simply don’t use them to post, and when I do, I get no satisfaction from others seeing it.
Furthermore, I found myself mindlessly scrolling on each of the apps. Whenever I was bored or taking a shit I would open Insta, look at all the new stuff, open Facebook and do the same, and so on down the line. I found myself numbing my ass on occasion because I had gotten sucked into some endless, pointless scrolling. I don’t want a numb ass, and I certainly don’t want a numb brain. Social media was numbing my brain.
So I deleted it all, actually deleted, no deactivation, straight deletion. And you know what, I could tell the difference immediately. I cried with a sense of relief. I had so simply removed such a negative dependence in my life. By removing myself from this negative externality, I gained back a part of me.
Trepidations
It took a little convincing, I won’t lie. I dwelled on this thought for months. My main objections were three fold:
- I wouldn’t be able to connect with people as easily.
- I wouldn’t get to share/document my life.
- I would lose my rights to @jamescaud.
It took a while for me to reject these pushback points as frivolous fears. But with careful examination, I was able to overcome them with logic and understanding.
First, I don’t really care about all my ‘friends’ on social media. I really don’t. I would use Facebook’s automated birthday notifications to delete people year round, so obviously I don’t really care about all of them. There are a few people I will miss seeing content from, but if I’m being frank, I probably won’t notice. As far as people trying to get into contact with me or vice versa, it’s not like I’ll forget their name, and the internet isn’t going anywhere, so I’m sure they’ll find me or I’ll find them.
Second, I do enjoy sharing. I don’t care if people see it, I mostly enjoy documenting my life as I go through it. Like an internet diary, a blog. Hey what do you know, I have a blog. A neglected blog, granted, but a blog none the less. With social media gone, I do expect to increase my utility of this app. It’s more personalized, and I get to share everything in one place; photos, videos, ideas. And look, a post in 2020 already, not bad! speaking of 2020, jesus fucking christ
Third, and probably the hardest to let go, @jamescaud has now been retired on all platforms except LinkedIn. I didn’t really count that as social media, but hopefully someday i can get rid of that too. This was really hard for me, jamescaud is my brand. And giving up something you have fought hard to solidify is not easy. But at the end of the day, I am jamescaud, these accounts aren’t me, they just describe. Myself and my brand live on through this website and through me. So if someone else comes along and wants to be jamescaud on facebook, I’ll have to tell them they weren’t the first to think of that cool name haha.
So they are gone now. I’ll see you out there in the world. If you ever think of me, just know I’m doing alright, and that I’m happier now.
NTS: Wrapping up 2019
A Year Without Posting
Okay, I know, I’m a piece of shit. I legit didn’t post anything all year long. Hell, the last thing I put up here was mid 2018, so it’s been way longer than just a year. I want to give you an update on where I’m at, and let myself indulge in a bit of self-love through this Note To Self.
Pittsburgh, PA
First and foremost, the biggest thing that happened in my life since last posting is my big move.
I realized only 10 months into my job in San Francisco that there was no future for me there. As much as I loved the city, it was completely unaffordable. Not to mention so many of my hobbies were so difficult to exercise, like hiking and backpacking. I started getting sick of all the concrete.
My company has its main office in Pittsburgh, and when I heard from my boss that ATG would keep my salary the same if I moved, I couldn’t leave town quick enough. I left my apartment, packed my truck to the brim with all the shit I owned, and drove. 2 days and nearly 3,000 miles later, I arrive in PGH, Julia in tow.
With no place lined up, I stayed in an AirBNB for a week to get my bearings, and started looking for an apartment. A fellow SF coworker was thinking of making the move as well, and we decided to try and find a place for us both to share. Going from a nearly $2,000 ~300 square foot apartment in the Tenderloin to a $500 ~1,000 square foot row home 5mins from work; this already was looking like a great idea. I had a roommate, which wasn’t exactly what I wanted, but we maintained civility up until the last month. I could not have been more fortunate to find such a polite and respectful roommate in Oliver, and I’m thoroughly grateful for his cooperation with my often not-so-stable self.
Julia
Julia helped me move in, set up my life in a new place, and begin a new journey. Little did I know at the time, but our journey together was near its end. What a tremendous rollercoaster of a relationship. We were not right for each other, and we knew it. We fought, we wept, we even tried breaking up, just to fall back in love after a week long vacation we had planned together. She offered me so much love and affection, and I soaked it right up. I loved her more than I loved myself. Therein lies the crux. I had fallen into the same mistake as before. I never learned that you can’t have a healthy relationship if you don’t first love yourself.
I neglected time, neglected myself, and the relationship deteriorated into only hardship, so we split. The breakup still weighs a bit heavy on my mind. I really couldn’t believe I had made the same exact mistake as I had with Michele. Only this time was going to be different. I had to learn to love myself, and that had to start with my body.
Biking
I had been eying an abandoned bike in my company’s bike shed for many months preceding the split. The day after, I decided to steal it. I told myself that if anyone came asking, I would glady hand it back over. I rode it everyday, tuned it up, and a few weeks later that someone came asking haha. I returned my stolen good and immediately bought a new, way better bike. I was addicted.
I’d bike 20-30miles a day, honestly fueled by my incendiary self hatred. But it also brought me great joy. I hadn’t rode a bike since I was a young teen, and I must have forgotten how much I loved it. I didn’t stop skating entirely, but I now most definitely favor the pedals to the push.
With a better diet, and the insane miles I was putting in, I ended up losing nearly 30 pounds 190->160. Not to mention how strong I was getting. I rode on streets and bike paths, but by far my favorite rides were on gravel and dirt. I bought bags that strapped to the bike and I soon found myself riding 100s of miles into the wilderness to experience my newfound love: bikepacking.
When I wasn’t out riding in the forests of the northern Appalachian I joined a few group rides in PGH. That’s where I got a bit of a taste of racing, and oh man was I hooked. I signed up for two races, one street then one gravel. Just before the road race I got in a horrific accident where I was destroyed by some jackass motorist. I missed that race, but I healed and was able to ride in the other. Funny story about that race, I also crashed. Instead of breaking myself however, I broke my bike. I got a DNF, and had to get driven to the finish line. What I found when I got there were all the top riders who had already finished. As I bandaged myself I marveled at their strength and vowed that I would finish next year. Someday I will be in contention, but in the meantime, I keep riding.
Home Ownership
As my rental lease was nearing completion, 2 months remained, Oliver and I had a falling out, and I knew it was time for me to move on. I’d been saving up to purchase a home, but wasn’t exactly expecting to be in the predicament I found myself in. I only had a little over a month and a half to find a realtor, tour properties, find a place, put down an offer, than go through the motions of purchase. It was no easy feat, but I knew what I wanted. After touring about 5 houses I found the right place. The perfect size for me, beautifully remodeled, large yard for a garden, fantastic neighborhood, great views, garage for working on my bike, driveway and plenty of parking for my truck, adjacency to the Three Rivers bike trail that takes me to work in 20min, and so many other fantastic pros.
The purchase was a tad stressful, but I’m happy I got the place for so cheap (coupled with a ridiculously low interest rate on my mortgage). I should have it completely paid off in about 6 years! It’s surreal honestly. I’ve found so much enjoyment in fixing up the property, whether it is fixing a wall leak in my shower, converting electrical outlets and panel work, repointing my brick facade, clearing out my jungle of a back yard, or general handy work around the house. I love home ownership, I have the power to do just about whatever the hell I want. Without a doubt, I can see myself living here for a decade. The only thing stopping me is the potential wife and kids down the road. But now that I have worked on this house, and learned so much about what it takes to make a home, I can see myself picking up a few more properties and renting them out. We will see, I kinda also want to build a cabin in the woods. Matter of fact, that sounds way more fun, we’ll see.
Closing
Welp, that’s just about everything I wanna share for now. I have a bunch of biking/house vids that I will upload at some point. Hopefully 2020 will be a year of more posting. Until then, I love you James, keep up the great work. Proud of you.
Hello world!
Here’s my blog.
I will post commentary on subjects that interest me and effect my life in some pertinent way. (Hint: Technology, Artificial Intelligence, Education, Government, and Science)
What follows will mostly be objective, but I’ll throw in facts and study’s as often as I catch them.
Rating: PG-13